Thursday, October 22, 2009

Reflection and thoughts

My swimming coach from a zillion years ago found me on Facebook. This short little blast from the past stopped me dead in my tracks. So many thoughts went running thru my head.

Just a few...
I remember Jack in his little Mark Spitz Speedo swimsuit (yes, everyone wore those back then) napping on the diving board at 6am while we were doing lap, after lap, after lap. The damn 3-step dive that I never could get no matter how much Jack or Mrs. Davidson worked with me (still HATE diving). I remember swimming in green, mossy-looking water when some filter didn't work right. Knox-blox and chocolate chip pancakes and Spoons. Practicing turns on the tile. I remember a fog creeping in the outside door on cold mornings and blanketing the pool (that was always so cool). Warmups with a zillion patches. I remember having some of the best friends in the world that knew me better than anyone as we spent every morning and every weekend together. Lifeguarding and the key room. I fell in love with the first 'love-of-my-life'.

Looking back, I remember this coach sitting with me in his office, trying so hard to motivate me - to help me develop the self confidence that for whatever reason, I seemed to lack. We would have talk after talk and I just don't think I ever understood what he was doing. I think I have improved - I get it now. I know I struggled while married to Mel. He was so dominating and over-powering and I tended to just melt into the woodwork. And then this overwhelming sense of self enveloped me and I changed. Divorced, went back to school, got a job, ran a household. Not to be crude, but it was like I 'grew a pair'. Poor Chris has the new and improved (?) Lisa. I have to have my hands in every pot - and not only in the pot, but in charge of the pot! Anyhow, I think Coach would be happy to know that it took 35 years - but I finally found my groove.

It is so funny the things that seem to be so 'genetic'. I love my children more than the world but let's face it - motivated - they are not - except for Riley. The older three have the athletic abilities and the size to match but just don't have that drive. Now, Kiel is starting to get it - and realizing the possibilities. Mellisa is struggling and I honestly don't know how to help her. AJ is just so mellow that he just likes everything calm and status quo. Alyx is my social butterfly still but absolutely brilliant. Riley, on the other hand, is the biggest over-achiever, go-getter girl! She has to be the best - she has to do it all - she has to practice over and over. It just amazes me. And this isn't just sports - this is in academics - this is in student involvement, etc. I know that not everything about her is cancer-related - but how is she sooo different from the other kids? It's like something kicked in during her surgery that just ramped up that 'I can do it - I will do it - and I will be the best at it' part of her brain. Either she is going to have the world's biggest ulcer or she is going to rule the world!

Anyway - it was so nice to hear from Coach Jack. It sounds like his body is going thru horrid, horrid times, but his heart and faith are still just as big as ever.

You still motivate others Coach - thanks...

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